Toxic Relationship
Bella Hadid, a supermodel. According to scientists, Bella has
the most accurate facial features among the most beautiful models in the world.
According to them, her face is 94.35% accurate to the measurements of beauty of ancient Greek
figures. In addition, almost everyone in the Hadid family is a member of the
world famous Super model list. So, looking at these facts, Bella has a perfect
life. But these photos that she posted on Instagram in the past few days,
suddenly went viral. It was not seen from these photos that someone who is so
beautiful is not so beautiful in life behind the camera. This is what she said
with these photos. This is my typical morning. Some people saw her pictures as
a result of depression, others saw it as stupid behavior. Each person was named
one on top of the other.
But on January 24, 2022, she participated in a Victoria's Secret interview and told a
strange story. I have done something in my life. That's why I kept going back
and forth to people who abused me. This bad habit exceeded my healthy limits.
For example sexually, physically, mentally, emotionally and then this started
affecting my work. What I realized was that I had started valuing other
people's opinions in all areas of my life. When I have ideas about myself. I
realized that I had placed my worth in the hands of others and it was affecting
me negatively. Finally I realized that everything happened because of one
trait. That trait is that I am a people pleaser.
Let's take this example and talk about toxic relationship.
Although we think that there are a million reasons for toxic relationships in
the world, the main reason why such negative relationships are attracted to you
is the quality of people pleasing. Are you a people pleaser? What is this
people pleasing? You think you should always do something for the people in
your life. Or that you have no value. What is meant by doing something is that
we usually do something for the people around us. But this is not what it means.
Maybe this means spending a lot of money on your close friends or your new
connections. Even if you don't care about them. Otherwise, you accept their
bad, chaotic, and harmful behavior. They are with me like that. This can affect
both mentally and physically. In short, if you reverse the idea, you allow
others to use you as they want, so that they stay in your life. This is the
worst thing a person can do in this world.
Because little by little you lose yourself. Maybe after some
time you can think that maybe this is what life means. Because you are so used
to it. You will lose your values, your self-satisfaction, and you will lose
your self-satisfaction over time. So some people may allow you to be a victim
of a toxic relationship for the rest of your life out of fear of losing them. A
toxic relationship is any relationship that doesn't support you, constantly
misunderstands you, looks down on you, or physically or emotionally abuses you.
It can be a business relationship, it can be a love relationship, it can be a
friendship, it can be a relative, it can be a family member.
Any relationship that simply makes you feel bad rather than
feeling good is a toxic relationship. If you really look, only you can tell if
your relationships are toxic or not. Because you feel things too. So, in
addition, I suggest that if these obvious characteristics are present in your
relationships, you are currently experiencing a toxic relationship. If your
self-esteem, respect and confidence decrease a lot while dealing with some
people, if you feel a lot of stress while dealing with some people, if you feel
tired after talking with such people, if you bring out the worst in each other,
then find the good side. Instead, if you are constantly being blamed or
ignored, it can be a toxic relationship in a relationship. There are some toxic
relationships that we don't understand but there is one thing we do understand.
That means there is something wrong in this relationship. The most serious
thing about this is that if there is a pattern in relationships like in our
life, that means if you think about it, if you think about it, whether it is
between friends or your love life, there are mostly these kinds of
relationships, then there is something you need to understand. That's why these
toxic people are problematic anyway. But to attract these kind of people in my
life, you have to think what is my problem to meet these kind of people.
Because it is difficult for us to change others but we can make
a decision about ourselves. We can try to change our environment. In addition
to that people pleasing behavior, you can have these qualities. You are a
fixer, which means you think you are a great problem solver. If your boyfriend
or girlfriend is not honest with you, if your boyfriend or girlfriend is
bringing you down mentally, it doesn't matter if you don't think about it
anywhere. They did that to me, but I won't do that to them. And you always try
to make excuses for them. Maybe he has a job to relieve stress. He may have had
a relationship with someone else besides me. Maybe my friend hurt me jokingly
but I took it seriously. It doesn't matter, here's how if you continue to
exonerate your toxic environment and stay in the same environment, you are more
likely to attract those types of people on a regular basis. The other thing is
that you are okay with other people treating you as worthless. That means you
have a little less self-esteem. So it is very easy for toxic people to take
advantage of people who have these qualities.
Let me give you an example, there are some girls who, even if a
stranger who met them yesterday pats them on the back, grabs them by the
shoulder and talks politely, they don't think it's a problem. It's not because
they're bad kids. Most of the time because of the suspicion that if you oppose
it, there will be a problem. And even if someone talks to you inappropriately,
you just accept it, thinking, oh why are these people treating me like this. Or
maybe you think that if I don't let him treat me like this, he will be angry
with me. Most of the time, whether it is in a relationship or a friendship, you
are the one who is uncomfortable. But you always try to make the other person
comfortable in any relationship. You make sure that he doesn't have any
problem, don't be rude to him, don't hurt his heart. Remember, people treat you
as you are treated. Don't give keys to other people who treat you as inferior.
Correct them in such cases.
Avoid that environment. Convince them that they don't have
access to treat you like that. You will meet a lot of good people after you
straighten yourself out. Low self-esteem makes it easy for toxic people to take
advantage of you. Maybe they take advantage of you and get pleasure from
beating you mentally. So, because of your low self-esteem, you may have some
mental belief that you don't deserve to be where you are today. Or you have an
inner shame about yourself. Prove that you are smart enough to bring success to
your life. You try hard but when the opportunity comes, the toxic people around
you pull you out of your insecure thoughts and bring you down again. Finally,
you can come to a place where you agree with them, oh okay, then I really don't
deserve to be where I am today. Or you can be a perfectionist. That means you
think you are perfect.
Through that you are sending a message to others without
knowing it. No matter how they treat you. You must build that situation, that I
will do something right. That you will somehow fix their mess. Toxic people can
manipulate you into doing that. In the name that you are perfect. In short, you
are a god. You have all the capacity for patience.
You have to bear everything. You are the one who needs to
protect the relationship. This kind of opinion can be created with time in your
relationships and friendships. If you are a person who attracts toxic people
more, then in this situation you put up with all this to keep the name of
perfect. How do you think you can be so pro-people like this, let them control
you, let them control you, invade you, make excuses for the wrong they will do
to you and keep them in your life? How come you have insecure thoughts about
yourself in your mind. How did you come up with the idea that if someone stays
in your life, you should give a lot to that person. Yes, some things need to be
shared, but maybe even your comfort needs to be sacrificed. How did it happen?
think think In many cases, this may be an idea that crossed your mind when you
were a child.
When it comes to Bella Hadid's story, according to Bella Hadid,
her family and friends did not pay much attention to her views when she was
little. And she says that she felt less important among them all. Also, the
people around her did not appreciate her speaking. She says that this is where
it started. Whether it's a parent or someone who takes care of children, no
matter what resources are given to a child, if they fail to give them the idea
that their attention and their opinions are important, these feelings of
insecurity can build up in the minds of children. Now don't be angry with your
parents. Because even when trying to pass the difficult days of their lives in
such a way that there is minimal impact on us, this kind of emotional neglect
may happen to the children unknowingly from their hands and something may have
happened due to their ignorance. But now you know this, you can get yourself on
the right track now. And don't let what I do happen to your children. So here
is the idea that children who are emotionally neglected in this way need to make
an extra effort to get the attention of others. The idea is to build a people
pleasing habit. You don't need to look at others before yourself. It is not
selfishness. Look at others while looking at yourself. That's the right one.
One guy talks about this in his podcast. He says that if you
expect something from others, first give it to yourself. If you want value from
others, first value yourself. If you want to be appreciated by others, first
appreciate yourself. Then you will get some control and feel peace in your
life. As Bella says, those who have spent little time in an environment are
more likely to feel these feelings of insecurity. But this situation can happen
even after a close person's separation or death. So this is a big topic. This
is only one part of that topic. Until then, think if you have the same problem.
If you have this problem, you are more likely to get hurt by relationships. It
is more likely to affect your success. That's why this is important. This is
the foundation on which we develop. It starts with a good mind. Start to clear
yourself with these facts. Think about this. It is very easy for us to move
forward when we think carefully about these kinds of problems that always pull
us down emotionally and work for them.
I have heard that we need to have 6 virtues
to lead this life beautifully.
Number 1: physical strength, being able to bounce back after any hard
time and keep the balance and move forward with understanding.
Number 2: Social Strength; here refers to the ability to
unapologetically be yourself no matter how many different people are in
society.
Number 3: motivational strength; the ability to do the right thing,
even if it is difficult or unknown.
Number 4: emotional strength; the ability to deal with any of your
feelings without getting attached or clinging to them.
Number 5: intellectual strength; having an open and flexible mind to learn
and forget some learned but inappropriate things and learn the right things
again and again.
Number 6: Spiritual strength; Living with purpose and the ability to live
life with heart-centered endeavors and gradually increasing understanding.
To do this, you have to look for yourself and fix your
shortcomings day by day. Think about this for a while. And I have one more
thing to tell you. We are talking about people who are victims of toxic
relationships. But maybe we are the toxic person in our relationship. If that
is the case, if you understand it, a much better and completely different
future is waiting for you.
Good Luck..!
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